** THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who called, text, zoomed, slacked, facetime, FB message and instagram me today! I woke up today feeling really down that today was my 40th birthday, but I have felt so LOVED by everyone! THANK YOU! God really showed me today how loved I am, even in the middle of a pandemic. I created a VIDEO to share with everyone how I spent my 40th birthday during shelter in place! I wrote this blog earlier this week. https://youtu.be/tdpePEnCmwU
Today (March 27) is my 40th birthday and I am spending it at home, social distancing because of the coronavirus (Covid-19). Let me start with how I am feeling about turning 40 before I give you my thoughts on Covid-19.
When I was in my early 20’s, I would dream about what my life would be like by the time I was 40. I would be married with 2 or 3 kids, work part time, travel with my family and still be in love with God. I would have my tribe of people that we would go camping, take vacations, our kids would grow up together. There would be girls weekends away, we would encourage each other, cry with each other and celebrate all that God has done. There would be late nights of laughter, dinners and theology talks. I dreamed of traveling with my husband, taking my kids to visit family in Mexico and having my dad teach them how to play soccer. These were my dreams, big and small for when I turn 40.
As I sit in my room on my 40th birthday, I cant help but feel a lost of the dreams that I had that have not come true and honestly I am not sure they will. I didn’t think I would still be single at 40, taking care of my parents and navigating this life alone with God. Making decisions that I hope and pray is what God wants for me instead of having someone to process them with. I know people say that I am still young, that it gets better after 40… but I just need a moment to grieve the dreams that I had, and figure out what the new dreams that God has for me.
I know that I have done a lot in my life. I look back at my 30’s and think about all the things that I got to do. I lived in another country for 3 years, traveled to 8 different countries, been to the mid-west and east coast for vacations, found a hobby I enjoy, helped write a bible study, taught women the bible and the list goes on. I dont regret any of those things! God has perfectly planned my 30’s just like He has already planned my 40’s. But I grieve the dreams I once had for my life.
The bummer thing about all of this, is that I was going to celebrate this birthday in a fun way. ( I still will when life goes back to normal) Tacos, friends and a piñata! Then covid-19 came and now I get to celebrate my birthday, at home, with my parents. No tacos, no friends and no piñata. Don’t get me wrong, I am loving this “shelter in place” at the moment. Being a 5 on the enneagram and an introvert, I am not having any problems working from home or being alone. I just knew this birthday was going to be hard for me and just wanted to be with friends.
So as I sit and eat my cake, drink my free Starbucks (and maybe dutch bros too), to celebrate my 40th birthday, I cant help but think about what this next year will be like. I am not sure what my 40’s hold, but as I start to dream new dreams, I pray that it would be better than what I imagine, being filled with laughter, love, travel and joy. I pray that God will continue to guide me and that I would continue to find fulfillment in Him.
Cheers to my 40’s!